Funny...

[RuHurt]

Ok, one of my favorite jokes...

There was this boy who, for as long as he could remember, had wanted a parrot. He read every book he could find on them, and became practically an expert in them. So, finally, his parents bought him one for his 13th birthday. It was beautiful; bright green and gold plumage, perfectly curved beak, bright eyes.. everything a parrot should be. It had only one problem; it had been raised in a shoddy little pet shop, run by a real foul-mouth, and the only words the bird knew were swears. And it knew a lot of them, and would squawk them all the time, in a very loud, extremely audible voice. The boy was mortified, of course, and tried everything he could to correct the bird's grammar. He played soft music, he talked gently and kindly to it (never using a single foul word, of course), treated it wonderfully... everything. Nothing worked. The bird continued as foul mouthed as ever. Finally, after a particularly stressful day, the boy grabbed the bird, shoved it into the freezer, and closed the door. There was quite a bit of squawking and swearing, but suddenly it all went quiet. The boy, fearing he had harmed the bird, opened the door. The parrot walked quietly, one could say thoughtfully, on to the boy's arm, and said, politely; "if I've offended you with my rude words and foul behavior, I'm sorry. I'll try to do better in the future." Before the surprised boy could ask what had caused this sudden change of attitude, the parrot continued; "and, may I inquire as to what the chicken did?"

:D

[nerdx]

That was hilarious.

[DXfoxman]

Heres a good one.

(NO OFFENCE TO BLONDES)

How do you keep a blonde busy?
Tell her to count the stairs on an escalator.

Sorry. I love it. :D :D

[nerdx]

That was hilarious too.

[DXfoxman]

Heres a good one.

A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eyepatch went to apply to be a pirate in a movie.

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

[DXfoxman]

Heres another good one.

An engineer died and sadly ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After a while, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."

God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

[series]

Some stuff here is pretty funny.

[RuHurt]

That second one was great, DX (I'd already heard the first) :D.

While we're on blonde jokes (and no offense to blondes, many of my best friends are blonde ;)), here's an ok one: A blonde and a brunette jump of a bridge; which one hits the ground first? The brunette; the blonde has to stop and ask directions.

:D ;)

[admiral_yamoto]

here's one: how do you keep a blonde busy? (see below)





How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

[Moderator Kayn]

And see... a man wouldnt have a problem with that.....

Because..

He'd NEVER read the directions!


Ka'yn - blonde

[series]

Ka'yn - blonde

*Waits to see who says something first*

[admiral_yamoto]

And see... a man wouldnt have a problem with that.....

Because..

He'd NEVER read the directions!


Ka'yn - blonde
lol. admiral_yamoto- non femminist :D

[admiral_yamoto]

ok, here's one:Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. :D

[Clausewitz]

Churchill's parrot is still alive. He taught it to say "Something that should have not been written on these forums per the COC".

Wonder if George W. Bush has a parrot?

Perhaps it could teach him to say something intelligent.

[sking500]

Maybe Churchill should have given it to Montgomery. Sounds like the parrot had a better strategy to defeat the Nazi's than Monty did.

[sherminator1]

how do make ka'yn go crazy?

tell her to sit in the corner of a circular room

[admiral_yamoto]

Those are all really good:D. its true, monty sucks!
theres nine blonds and one brunette on a rope that is on a helicopter thats falling that can only hold ten people. the brunette says she's the one who should go down and gives a touching speech about her death. the blonds are so touched, they start to clap

[DXfoxman]

Ahh i love blonde jokes....

but heres a good wife one.

A couple walk up to a waterfountain. The man takes out a penny, makes a wish, and throws it in. The wife thought it was a good idea. She takes out a penny, but accidently drops it in the well. She reaches in to get it but falls face first in the water and drowns.
The man was stunned for acouple minutes. But later, he smiled and said "It really works!"

[admiral_yamoto]

[QUOTE=Clausewitz]Churchill's parrot is still alive. He taught it to say "Something that should have not been written on these forums per the COC".
=QUOTE]
LOL! :D great editing Kayn!!!!

[RuHurt]

LOL!!!! I like it too, Kayn, very nice :D. Now how can we change the Bush comment...? :D ;)

[admiral_yamoto]

so you're a bush lover? :D

one day at the white house, george bush was screaming for joy. Dick Cheny puzzled by the president's happiness went into Bush's room and said, "Mr. President, what are you so happy about?"
and bush said, "Look at that puzzle!"
it was a kindergarten four peice puzzle.
"so, what are you so happy about", said Dick Cheny.
Then Bush sais, "The box said 2-3 years, but i did it in four months!!!!" :D

[RuHurt]

Hasn't that joke been around for about the past twenty years, modified to have the protagonist be whomever the joker wishes to make fun of? Amazing... the Dem's jokes are as old as their policies! :D

[AllWeNeedIsLove.]

Hasn't that joke been around for about the past twenty years, modified to have the protagonist be whomever the joker wishes to make fun of? Amazing... the Dem's jokes are as old as their policies! :D
if only every one had the sense of humour as a republican. the world would have a fit of the giggles. if there is one thing rebublicans know it is comedy.

[sking500]

Oh man, here we go again...where's a moderator when you need one.

[RuHurt]

Taking the high route here, and ignoring Love. Let's drop it.

Oh, by the way, I'm not a Republican; I proudly refer to myself as a Radical Conservative :D.

[admiral_yamoto]

Taking the high route here, and ignoring Love. Let's drop it.

Oh, by the way, I'm not a Republican; I proudly refer to myself as a Radical Conservative :D.
and im not a liberal (candian democrat) im a communist:D

[boylermaker]

Fidel Castro finally dies. He hauls his bags up inside the pearly gates to see Saint Peter, who -naturally- doesn't let him in. A little disappointed, he wanders off to hell. After talking with Satan for a while, he remembers, "O Gee, Satan, I left my bags up at the pearly gates." Satan replies, "No problem, I'll send some imps up to get them for you."

Unfortunately for the imps, Saint Peter is at lunch with God, the pearly gates are closed, and the lost-and-found is on the other side. But they can't go back to hell without the bags, so they decide to climb the gates and grab them.

God sees them and remarks to Saint Peter, "Fidel's been in Hell an hour and we're already getting refugees!"

[sking500]

and im not a liberal (candian democrat) im a communist:D

Communism is great if you don't have humans running the show. :D

[admiral_yamoto]

as far as i know, all systems of government suck

[series]

*watches as thread is closed for political discussion*

[sking500]

as far as i know, all systems of government suck

Agreed, I've just never been a believer in Utopian societies. They're contradictory to the self-interested nature of humanity that has proven itself out for tens of thousands of years. Better to have a system where civilized conflict balances this out than rely on people to behave according to others' interests.

[series]

*still watches as thread is closed for political discussion*

[sking500]

*still watches as thread is closed for political discussion*

OK, so keep watching...

[Moderator Kayn]

I am watching and appreciate that some of you try to turn the thread back to topic.
Go back to being funny. : )


Ka'yn

[series]

I am watching and appreciate that some of you try to turn the thread back to topic.
Go back to being funny. : )


Ka'yn

Speaking of funny... nice post count number

[sherminator1]

as far as i know, all systems of government suck Democracy is the worst form of government.... until you consider the alternatives-winston churchill

[boylermaker]

What's the difference between a cow?

Chickles pickles! Hahahahahahahahahahahahhahahaha!

[admiral_yamoto]

thats so random that its kind of funny!
Why did the grocery store owner sell all his bananas to the monkey?
Cause he wanted monkey business!!!!
ha ha ha

[RuHurt]

Ouch, ouch, ouch...

Two vultures board an airplane, each one carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stops them and says "I'm sorry, sirs, only one carrion per passenger." :D

[Moderator Kayn]

Speaking of funny... nice post count number


Odd...Sin keeps mentioning that number to me as well...

;)

[Moderator Sinister]

So this woman sees a genie and is offered 3 wishes "BUT" warns the genie, "Whatever you wish for will happen 100 times more to your husband." "Ok", replies the woman, "I wish to be the most beautiful woman in the world."

"Ok but your husband will be so handsome all the women in the world will want him." Says the Genie. "That's ok" responds the woman.

"Next I want to be rich" she says. "Ok but you husband will be the richest man person in the world" says the genie. "Yes I know" responds the woman.

Then the genie asks "And for your 3rd and final wish woman?" The lady thinks for a second and then responds...

"A very mild heart attack please...."

[RuHurt]

I've heard a good lawyer variation on that one, but no point in telling it, you'd all know the punch line ;). Here's one:

A priest, a lawyer, and a horse walk into a bar. The bartender sees them and says "what is this, a joke?"

[TrimChris]

Three women all worked in the same office with the same female
boss. Each day, they noticed the boss left work early. One day,
the women decided that, when the boss left, they would leave right
behind her. After all, she never called or came back to work, so how
would she know they went home early?

The brunette was thrilled to be home early. She did a little gardening,
spent playtime with her son, and went to bed early.

The redhead was elated to be able to get in a quick workout at the spa
before meeting a dinner date.

The blonde was happy to get home early and surprise her husband, but
when she got to her bedroom, she heard a muffled noise from inside.
Slowly and quietly, she cracked open the door and was mortified to see
her husband in bed with her boss! Gently she closed the door and crept
out of her house.

The next day, at their coffee break, the brunette and redhead planned
to leave early again, and they asked the blonde if she was going to go
with them.

"No way!" the blonde exclaimed, "I almost got caught yesterday."

[TrimChris]

A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.



The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."



The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."



The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.



One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."



The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my sisters though."

[koops]

A man walks into a record shop and asks "What have you got by the doors?"
The owner replies, "A mop and a fire extinguisher."